Rev. Ted Haggard Condemned to Life as a Homosexual

Despite claims a year ago that the good Rev. Ted Haggard had been cured, we now learn that valiant efforts by the New Life Church and their “spiritual restoration team”, were unable to exorcise the demon homosexuality from the good Reverend.

The church released the statement, "the process of restoring Ted Haggard is incomplete." The good Reverend Haggard himself requested an end to the purge after enduring a year of therapy from Phoenix Pastor Tommy Barnett.

Because the process of curing homosexuality is of a confidential nature, no further statements will be released by the church in order to protect Rev. Haggard’s continued homosexual status.