Bigotry is the biggest problem for gay people

By JOHN BOETTJER, Naples, Florida

Eddie Filer’s guest commentary (March 31), headlined “Tolerance doesn’t need to be linked with religion,” is certainly correct in stating that a belief in God is not necessary to support tolerance and respect for same-sex relations. Thus Filer, an avowed agnostic, is “glad religious people are becoming united against bigotry” and are gathering for an Interfaith Convocation celebrating diversity on May 18 at 2 p.m. at Temple Shalom. The Naples chapter of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is sponsoring the event, and among the several congregations participating are Temple Shalom, St. John the Evangelist, St. Monica’s, Naples United Church of Christ, Unity of Naples and Celebration Metropolitan Community Church of Naples.

Where Filer, who is gay, goes very wrong is in making several unsupported and incorrect generalizations about homosexuals.

Filer asserts homosexuality is “a deviation from the normal.” Actually, nature is very generous regarding sexuality. There is a rainbow of heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality and even fluid, changing sexuality in nearly all species. Homo sapiens simply reflect this pattern. In fact, diversity in sexuality is “normal” in all nature and in humankind.

Filer asserts gay sex acts “can oftentimes be injurious” and “obsessive.” Duh! Any sex act can be injurious and obsessive. Most heterosexuals go well beyond the “missionary position” and enjoy the same sexual acts as homosexuals, both gay and lesbian. Just do what you do safely and in reasonable moderation. AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases are, in fact, more prevalent among heterosexuals in America and around the world. Furthermore, lesbians have the lowest incidence of AIDS and STDs of any sexual group.

Filer asserts gay sex “is not satisfactory or fulfilling for most gay people.” Speak for yourself.

What problems exist in the gay community are clearly more the result of discrimination and bigotry than any allegedly innate propensity of gays to be unfulfilled. Is it any wonder that someone who is socially and culturally discredited for whatever reason — ethnicity, income, origin, sexuality — from birth on feels excluded and devalued? Internalized homophobia and unhappiness are obvious results of gays being stigmatized by society. Gratefully, this is becoming less and less prevalent as gays and others cast out by society realize with pride exactly who they are.

Filer believes science and conditioning “determine why some people are gay.” There probably is a genetic or hormonal aspect to being gay, but certainly no person is conditioned to be homosexual. If anything, society conditions everyone to be heterosexual. Just think of the thousands of images we receive every day through the media and life itself. Lifelong, romantic mating of boy and girl is the model constantly pounded into our heads. The divorce rate, at about 50 percent of all marriages, shows how unrealistic that image is.

If conditioning determined one’s sexuality, we would all be heterosexual. Yet, as thousands of years of history proves, gays and lesbians have existed in all cultures at all times, often with very beneficial results. Think Alexander the Great, Michelangelo, Oscar Wilde, Walt Whitman.

Filer declares being gay is one of many biological “imperfections” like “being born deaf or blind.” Filer’s equating homosexuality with physical handicaps is as bad as the claim of some gay activists that being gay somehow confers special artistic abilities and aesthetic sensibilities. No. A gay or lesbian, just like any other person, is a mix of talents and faults. We are no better or worse than anyone else.

With a basic understanding of our shared humanity firmly in place, we can work together toward a better world for all.

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